My husband often works overnight shifts in the emergency room, so the dynamics of our family evenings vary depending upon his schedule. When our kids were younger, of course, this meant that I was often on duty alone, no small task when the kids don’t sleep through the night. Now that our kids are older, though, our kids will jump into bed with me before we go to sleep to read, or chat, or to fall asleep, and I am really enjoying this time we share.
The other night my daughter Celia climbed up into my bed and began telling me about a focus group in which she was participating at school, related to the food service company (Revolutionary Foods) providing breakfast and lunch to the students. Here’s how the coversation went:
Celia: ‘The lady from Revolution Foods was asking us how much sugar we thought our meals should have, and what kinds of sugars. I put down that I thought we should be eating natural sugars, like the sugar in fruit.’
Me: ‘That sounds like a good answer. What else was she asking you about?’
Celia: ‘I don’t know, just stuff about the food. Hannah said that she thought the lady had gotten a lot of Botox. What’s Botox?’
Knowing my daughter, she did not want to admit to her friend that she has no idea what Botox is, so she waited until she got home to ask me about it. I explained what Botox is and what it’s used for, which she found absolutely confounding. When I asked her why her friend thought that about the woman, Celia explained that her face looked funny, and then she made the face that you see in this photo of her, pulling her face skin back with her hands. “Mommy, I’m not sure if she was young or old, because she looked like she should have been kind of old, but her skin was frozen and really shiny, and the only thing that moved was her lips.”
There is so much to think about when exploring the concept of beauty and cultural ideals with my eleven-year-old daughter. A great place I have found to begin is by using this short video, which is part of the Dove real beauty campaign. This video is entitled Evolution, and shows how an average young woman is transformed with hair styling and make-up, and then her image is morphed on a computer into what because a billboard advertisement. It’s a powerful message to convey to young women the idea that what you see is not usually what you get, especially when it comes to images that bombard them from every conceivable angle, even in school. I’m glad for our nights together, and the opportunities they present for connection.
‘The quickest way for a parent to get a child’s attention is to sit down and look comfortable.’ – Lane Olinhouse
Earlier this week I was walking my dogs and I saw a truck that had a logo reading ‘CrossFit’ on the door. I was intrigued, so when I got home I looked up information for my local CrossFit affiliate, and I found their website. You can read about CrossFit at their main website right HERE. CrossFit is basically a strength and conditioning program utilizing workouts at different locations around the world which are run by individual CrossFit affiliates.
My local CF affiliate advertised a free workout or two on their website, so I decided to give it a try. It was as simple as providing my name, phone number and email address and then agreeing to show up this morning at 8:30 in a local park. There were about 12 other people there this morning, of all ages, shapes and sizes, ready to take instruction. The workout involved jogging, running, sprinting, hill running, calisthenics like push-ups and mountain climbers and medicine ball throwing, and using kettle balls. It was a challenging workout for everyone there, no matter the fitness level.
If you’re hankering for a change of pace and are adventurous enough to try something different, check out the internet to find a CrossFit affiliate near you, and be prepared to work. If you like it, you can buy a monthly membership and have unlimited workouts, or you can pay per session, which is probably what I’ll do until I find a gym that I like here. You have nothing to lose by trying it, and you might even have some fun. I know I did.
‘Do not be too timid and squeamish about your actions. All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better. What if they are a little course, and you may get your coat soiled or torn? What if you do fail, and get fairly rolled in the dirt once or twice. Up again, you shall never be so afraid of a tumble.’ ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
Meet Martin (my dad) and Frank, who are here in Denver to play doubles together in a super senior tennis tournament.
They are well into their 80s (Frank is pushing 90!), and boy can they hit the tennis ball, pretty much anywhere they try to place it on the court. Tennis to them is much like a chess match, and watching them is poetry in motion.
They didn’t win their match this day, but they did enjoy their time together on the court very much. Frank summed it up quite nicely when he said, “I’m just glad to be out here!” Their match that day lasted over two hours, and they had plenty of energy left when it was over.
I should add that my dad did not take up the sport of tennis until his late 40s, and before then he was quite out of shape. Over the years he has honed his skills and now stays svelte and fit largely because of all of the tennis he plays. In an average week he probably plays 5 to 6 times.
It is a great sport for people of all ages. If you’ve never played or if it’s been a while, pick up a racquet and find a place to hit against a backboard, or better yet, find a person to practice with. You’ll be glad you did. My dad still runs my butt all over the tennis court and it’s a GREAT workout.
Way to go, Frank and Martin; what an inspiration you both are!
‘You can’t help getting older, but you don’t have to get old.’ George Burns
A new documentary called ‘Waiting for Superman’ is scheduled to be released in theaters on September 24, 2010, and a trailer from the movie can be viewed below. It chronicles the journeys of five school-aged children who are hoping to be granted admission, through lottery systems, to high performing charter schools in the states where they live.
I’m excited to watch it, especially since my own kids are navigating public urban schools here in Denver. My 6th grade daughter is attending a girls only charter school in its first year of existence, and the experience is both unsettling and exciting. I’m sure you’ve read about my son’s recent attack at his large public school. It’s still commanding too much of my thoughts and energy, and won’t soon be forgotten. The fact that American students rank as low as 25th out of 31 developing countries in some academic subjects should be enough to gather interest in watching this film. Our future depends on figuring out how to produce better educated citizens.
‘The school is the last expenditure upon which America should be willing to economize.’ – Franklin D. Roosevelt
I just ran my first half marathon since my pelvic surgery, and actually it turned out to be 13.5 miles, not 13.1. Believe you me at the end of a long, hot, hilly race those .4 miles are really brutal. Runners were generally pretty grouchy about it, and I was no exception. Nothing, though, overshadowed my joy about finishing. I was spent.
Even though I felt physically great during the run I held myself back, knowing my fitness level isn’t yet back to what it used to be, especially at elevation. A woman running next to me told me, “GO – you could kill this course and win some money!”. Prize money is tempting, but I wasn’t ready. I reminded myself to hang back and steady my pace. After this nice woman encouraged me to ‘GO’ for the third time I said to her, “I am happy, and I’m running to celebrate my health. I don’t want to go any faster today.” Besides, it was a long way to the finish line at that point. She looked at me and told me that hearing that was like a breath of fresh air, and that made me feel great.
I spent the rest of the race contemplating competition and my own competitive drive. It’s a race, so by definition we should all be out there racing, running our fastest on that given day. I chose (very deliberately) to look at it as an opportunity to run in a new place, where I’d have never gone on my own to run that far. It was a long run in a new, beautiful place, and I didn’t have to worry about getting lost. And I’m paying for the water stops and the company of other runners. I chose not to race, but instead to just run. People running in the back of the pack seem to understand this ideology much better than the front of the pack runners. The difference in attitudes is startling. My back of the pack mentality in the front of the pack made for an interesting run, and I enjoyed every minute, even the last, long four tenths of a mile to the finish line.
There’s a great article about slow running that you can read right HERE, and another fantastic article relating to research proving that aerobic exercise produces growth proteins in the growing brains of children right HERE. There are so many reasons to get out and exercise, even just going for a walk. What are you going to do for your health today? “The longer I live the less confidence I have in drugs and the greater is my confidence in the regulation and administration of diet and regimen.” ~John Redman Coxe, 1800
It has taken one month to the day for my son to ask about watching television. When we moved into our rental home here in Denver my husband and I decided to skip the cable television service, instead we opted for high speed internet alone. As an experiment we did not tell the kids; we wanted to see how long it would take for them to notice. Now we know. My daughter still hasn’t asked or noticed. We don’t have an antenna, either. No television channels, just a DVD player for occasional movies and the Wii for games.
We’ve decided to take it week by week, our life without television, that is. We’ve given ourselves the liberty to decide at any time that we would really like our cable television back. Right now, I’d say we are very content without it. I will admit that I had moments and pangs during the recent U.S. Open tennis tournament where I really wanted to sit down and watch part of a match (I never even sit through a match start to finish!), but I got over it, especially when I’d call a family member and they’d tell me that a match had been rained out for the third time in a row. Wouldn’t it be cool to have more choice about the channels you’d really like to watch? The History Channel, Food Network and Travel Channel were really the crux of our television viewing.
The most striking change about our family life without television is the lack of power struggles related to turning the television off. There are fewer arguments. We have more free time. My kids spend more time playing music and playing outside and reading. We are much more peaceful, and I can really get used to that. No more cringing about blatant commercialism and inappropriate content for me. No more homework problems. Not for now, anyway. We’ll see what the colder weather brings.
You can read an interesting article about people who choose to forgo cable television and who watch their television online right HERE. Our family doesn’t do that, either, but it is an option if you feel like giving your cable company the boot. Have you ever added up the cost of cable television over the years? At an average of $900 per year, cable television adds up quickly. When I think about it that way the choice to go without cable television is very simple, really.
‘I find television to be very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go in the other room and read a book.’ – Groucho Marx
I was about to write a blog featuring details about my most recent drama-filled days, but I came across a New York Times article I wanted to share instead. It’s an article and interactive photo gallery highlighting a house with the latest and greatest energy efficient technology, and it’s called Lumenhaus.
This house sits in Spain, and it was recently built by students and professors from Virginia Tech as an entrant in the 2010 European Solar Decathalon (in which it took first prize). One of the coolest features of this house is that it can expand and contract as families grow and retract over the years, by adding and subtracting modules that are purchased separately. In all it can have as many as five bedrooms and two bathrooms, and when the kids move out the extra rooms (modules) can be removed.
Go to the New York Times page and read the article. Then, take a moment or two to view the short film below, and use the multimedia demo (last paragraph of the article) and prepare to be amazed by the innovation and technology. My hope is that more of these energy saving features become standard on homes being built before we run out of non-renewable resources which currently keep us warm in winter and cool in summer, among other things.
‘We shall require a substantially new manner of thinking if mankind is to survive.’ -Albert Einstein
I heard a radio interview with Liz Murray, who has published a book called Breaking Night. Listen to the interview here. You can watch a short video clip of Liz talking about how she spent her high school years living on the streets of New York before going on to finish high school in two years and winning a New York Times scholarship to Harvard.
Liz has spent the past ten years touring the world to tell her inspiring story, and to help people realize that sometimes the only thing stopping them from overcoming their own obstacles is themselves. Hers will be the next book I check out from my local library and read for pleasure. Pick up a copy for yourself and get a dose of daily moxie!
Well, we had a three day weekend after Rene was assaulted at school on Friday, which was a good thing. Over the weekend Rene was able to relax and enjoy himself, until Monday night, when things began to get tense. He was very nervous about returning to school on Tuesday and possibly having an encounter with the boy who attacked him. I tried to reassure him that the principal and teacher had both responded to my email with appropriate shock and horror, promising to make things right. I was hopeful, but apprehensive. These people are basically complete strangers to me.
After dropping off the kids at school I spent the day at my own new student orientation at the University of Denver, and instead of focusing on presentations about campus safety, library services, health center hours and university website navigation tips, I was mostly thinking about my 9-year old son and how his day might be going. I kept trying to redirect my attention to the information at hand, all day long. At lunch I was able to read an email from Rene’s teacher assuring me that everything had been resolved; the boy who had assaulted Rene was no longer going to be interacting in a mainstreamed environment. They will no longer have any reason to see each other during the day. This was a relief.
After school when I asked Rene how it went at school and he reported, “the principal made me write a documentary about what happened on Friday.” When I asked him about what he wrote he spat back all of the grim details about being put in a headlock, choked, thrown down and stomped upon, and then he added, “and then I told her about what Daddy told me to do to him if he tries it again, you know, about hitting his arm where the nerves are so that he stops choking me so much.” Then he added, “and my teacher says that he is in DEEP doo doo. She said there is NO EXCUSE for that kind of behavior, no matter what.”
And she is right. There is no justification or excuse, but it happens. Every day. To many kids, not just mine. Lucky for Rene he’s got adults around him who care enough to make necessary changes. He has parents who are his advocates when he needs help. I am glad for the quick response I got from the school, and thankful that Rene was not seriously hurt or injured. He does have a bruise on his neck that is tender from being choked, and the bad memory of the violent attack, but those will fade with time. We will use this experience as a tool to help others who are victimized at school, and Rene can stand up for others he sees being bullied. If we spread the message far and wide there will be no place to hide, no silent bystanders. Help us stand up for those who can’t, won’t you?
‘Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It’s not.’ – Dr. Seuss
Today my husband and I got up really early and made our way to the Denver Zoo for a ten mile road race. I’ve been slowly working my way back into shape since my surgery three months ago, but I’m not even close to my pre-surgery fitness level. This, I’m sure, contributed to the sense of nervousness and near dread that I felt this morning when the alarm went off.
Most race days find me happy and slightly hyperactive, but not this morning. I think I even hit the snooze button. When I did finally roll out of bed, I decided that my pink foofy skirt was in order for this race day – it’s really more like a hot pink tutu. Just putting it on makes me happy, and running with it flying up around me can produce moments of giddiness. I bought it a while ago in the girls’ department at Target, for just such occasions.
We arrived at the Zoo to find about a thousand other runners preparing for the race, in lines at the port-o-potties, running around warming up, standing, stretching, chatting. The seriousness of this group surprised and dismayed me; I was hoping for some kindred spirits in folly. No matter, I made my own over the entire ten miles of the racecourse, alternatively leaping through the air and spinning turns at water stops. The time flew, and by the end I was the happy runner I’ve come to know myself as, despite the seriousness of most of the athletes around me.
The beauty of signing up for a race is that it provides a training goal. As I age I’m learning how to let go of the urge to push myself to my physical limits at every race, and how to just embrace the experience of enjoying my health and fitness in a hot pink tutu, making kids and adults all along the course laugh at the sight of my silliness. This was where I became reacquainted with my racing moxie today, at a zoo in a tutu.
‘Frivolity is inborn, conceit acquired by education.’ - Cicero
Tonight while I was putting Rene to bed he told me about an incident that happened at school yesterday, on his way to lunch. While he was in line the boy in front of him began choking Rene, put him into a headlock, threw him to the floor and stepped on him. Two girls saw what was happening and came to Rene’s defense by telling the classroom aide, who was walking the class to lunch.
Of course, this is Rene’s version of the story, but to hear your 9- year -old talk matter of factly about getting beat up in the middle of a school hallway is astounding. As a new parent to this school I feel a little unsettled; I’ve met his teachers twice and the assistant principal once. Before going to bed last night I typed up the email below and sent it to both of his teachers and both principals. (Please note that the names of the other child and the adult staff member have been changed to protect their privacy.)
René was just talking with me before bed tonight and told me about an incident that happened while he was in line on the way to lunch yesterday (Friday).
A boy from his class named “Clint” was hitting René in his pelvic area and then put his hands around René’s neck and began choking him. He then put René into a headlock, shoved him to the ground and stepped on him. Two girls who saw what was going on stopped the assault, and then René and the two girls approached Ms. Bonnie to tell her what had happened. René reports that Ms. Bonnie told Clint not to choke people.
René also said that Clint was very physical with a girl on the playground, shaking her legs while she was on the monkey bars in an attempt to make her fall.
We are new to Denver and overall (until yesterday) I'd say René has been very happy at The School, but I am worried about the safety of not only my own child, but others as well.
Now, René doesn't want to return to school; he feels unsafe. He feels sorry for Clint because of his size, and he thinks that Clint is trying to be tough and cool so that he can fit in. I'm glad that my son can see what's going on for Clint, but school needs to be a safe place for every kid. If Clint cannot control himself then he should not be out of the sight and control of a responsible staff member.
It saddens me to know that these things happen. As a school counselor I am acutely aware of issues related to bullying and school safety; these behaviors are chronic and difficult to monitor and control within such a large student population. Please help me feel better about sending René back to your school this coming week. I'm happy to meet with you and I look forward to your response.
It’s a holiday weekend, so I don’t really expect to hear anything until Tuesday at the earliest. In my mind this is a true test of the character of school and its staff. I’m eagerly anticipating their response so that we can move forward, and I’ll keep you posted on what transpires. Meanwhile, my husband and I are talking with Rene about how to handle this bully, who happens to be twice his size. Avoiding confrontation is the first order of business, finding adults another, and fighting back a last resort (which isn’t a great option considering their size difference).
My fear is, of course, that things will get worse before they get better, that the staff is apathetic, that Rene begins to hate going to school. My own challenge is to avoid the path of fear, and I’m determined to be proactive. I will embrace this day and the moments it brings; that is my goal for this day. Stay tuned for details as they occur.
"I just want the bullying to stop. That is all I ever wanted. I used to love going to school. Now I hate it."
- 9-year-old Verity Ward quoted in the Sunday Telegraph UK, 12 March 2000
I really LOVE chips and spicy hot queso, or dip compuesto, with gooey cheese and avocado, but I hate the nutritional nightmare associated with eating it. In my younger days my youthful metabolism would take care of it for me, but these days I find substitutions for most foods like chips and queso – so much easier.
Find a really delicious salsa that you love; I love a spicy hot salsa ranchera, and mix it with your favorite brand of cottage cheese. Baked chips substitute the real deal, or rice crackers are even better. I eat 2% cottage cheese and I’ve tried different versions of fat free, but I just don’t enjoy it as much.
The gooey part isn’t really there, but the tradeoff is worth the sacrifice. Cottage cheese is loaded with protein, and you’ll grab some calcium, too. Try it for yourself and see if you don’t agree that it’s delicious AND nutritious, and it will satisfy the craving for salty spicy crunchy foods. If you are extra adventurous throw in some black beans and avocado. You can also use this as a salad topping in place of dressing. Enjoy!
‘You pray for good health and a body that will be strong in old age. Good – but your rich foods block the gods’ answer and tie Jupiter’s hands.’ – Persius
Take a look at this quick video of Christine Carter from the Greater Good research center at UC Berkeley as she discusses the importance of stressing effort rather than achievement when it comes to raising happy kids. I sat down to watch this clip after a full day of work unpacking yet more boxes, and as I watched it I began to think about how achievement oriented I am, both as a parent and as a person.
I have realized that I am much harder on myself than I am on my kids when it comes to achievement. Take unpacking, for example. I’m not really satisfied with my work, regardless how much of it I’ve done today, until the job is finished. Is this affecting my happiness? Hmmmm. I’ve been pretty dang grouchy today. How can I change this? Do I even want to change it? It’s a big part of me, this work, work, work ethic I was raised to emulate.
What I don’t like about my own work ethic is the expectation that I place upon others, that they should somehow embrace a similar standard. My unhappiness stems from that very sentiment, I’m afraid. So I’ve decided tonight that from now on ‘E’ will be for effort. I will try to focus more on the effort I’ve given to a project than to the result; this is a big deal in my world, and will require not a small amount of mindfulness to break away from my habits.
Hey, it’s never too late to change, to try, to evolve. And it’s just in time for my return to grad school, too. Thanks Christine!
‘The one thing that matters is the effort.It continues, whereas the end to be attained is but an illusion of the climber, as he fares on and on from crest to crest; and once the goal is reached it has no meaning.’ – Antoine de Saint-Expupery.
My husband often works overnight shifts in the emergency room, so the dynamics of our family evenings vary depending upon his schedule. When our kids were younger, of course, this meant that I was often on duty alone, no small task when the kids don’t sleep through the night. Now that our kids are older, though, our kids will jump into bed with me before we go to sleep to read, or chat, or to fall asleep, and I am really enjoying this time we share. 
My local CF affiliate advertised a free workout or two on their website, so I decided to give it a try. It was as simple as providing my name, phone number and email address and then agreeing to show up this morning at 8:30 in a local park. There were about 12 other people there this morning, of all ages, shapes and sizes, ready to take instruction. The workout involved jogging, running, sprinting, hill running, calisthenics like push-ups and mountain climbers and medicine ball throwing, and using kettle balls. It was a challenging workout for everyone there, no matter the fitness level. 
Meet Martin (my dad) and Frank, who are here in Denver to play doubles together in a super senior tennis tournament. 
A new documentary called ‘Waiting for Superman’ is scheduled to be released in theaters on September 24, 2010, and a trailer from the movie can be viewed below. It chronicles the journeys of five school-aged children who are hoping to be granted admission, through lottery systems, to high performing charter schools in the states where they live. 
I just ran my first half marathon since my pelvic surgery, and actually it turned out to be 13.5 miles, not 13.1. Believe you me at the end of a long, hot, hilly race those .4 miles are really brutal. Runners were generally pretty grouchy about it, and I was no exception. Nothing, though, overshadowed my joy about finishing. I was spent. 
It has taken one month to the day for my son to ask about watching television. When we moved into our rental home here in Denver my husband and I decided to skip the cable television service, instead we opted for high speed internet alone. As an experiment we did not tell the kids; we wanted to see how long it would take for them to notice. Now we know. My daughter still hasn’t asked or noticed. We don’t have an antenna, either. No television channels, just a DVD player for occasional movies and the Wii for games.
recent U.S. Open tennis tournament where I really wanted to sit down and watch part of a match (I never even sit through a match start to finish!), but I got over it, especially when I’d call a family member and they’d tell me that a match had been rained out for the third time in a row. Wouldn’t it be cool to have more choice about the channels you’d really like to watch? The History Channel, Food Network and Travel Channel were really the crux of our television viewing. 
I was about to write a blog featuring details about my most recent drama-filled days, but I came across a New York Times article I wanted to share instead. It’s an article and interactive photo gallery highlighting a house with the latest and greatest energy efficient technology, and it’s called Lumenhaus. 
I heard a radio interview with Liz Murray, who has published a book called
Well, we had a three day weekend after Rene was assaulted at school on Friday, which was a good thing. Over the weekend Rene was able to relax and enjoy himself, until Monday night, when things began to get tense. He was very nervous about returning to school on Tuesday and possibly having an encounter with the boy who attacked him. I tried to reassure him that the principal and teacher had both responded to my email with appropriate shock and horror, promising to make things right. I was hopeful, but apprehensive. These people are basically complete strangers to me. 
Today my husband and I got up really early and made our way to the Denver Zoo for a ten mile road race. I’ve been slowly working my way back into shape since my surgery three months ago, but I’m not even close to my pre-surgery fitness level. This, I’m sure, contributed to the sense of nervousness and near dread that I felt this morning when the alarm went off. 
Tonight while I was putting Rene to bed he told me about an incident that happened at school yesterday, on his way to lunch. While he was in line the boy in front of him began choking Rene, put him into a headlock, threw him to the floor and stepped on him. Two girls saw what was happening and came to Rene’s defense by telling the classroom aide, who was walking the class to lunch. 
It’s a holiday weekend, so I don’t really expect to hear anything until Tuesday at the earliest. In my mind this is a true test of the character of school and its staff. I’m eagerly anticipating their response so that we can move forward, and I’ll keep you posted on what transpires. Meanwhile, my husband and I are talking with Rene about how to handle this bully, who happens to be twice his size. Avoiding confrontation is the first order of business, finding adults another, and fighting back a last resort (which isn’t a great option considering their size difference). 
I really LOVE chips and spicy hot queso, or dip compuesto, with gooey cheese and avocado, but I hate the nutritional nightmare associated with eating it. In my younger days my youthful metabolism would take care of it for me, but these days I find substitutions for most foods like chips and queso – so much easier. 
Take a look at this quick video of Christine Carter from the Greater Good research center at UC Berkeley as she discusses the importance of stressing effort rather than achievement when it comes to raising happy kids. I sat down to watch this clip after a full day of work unpacking yet more boxes, and as I watched it I began to think about how achievement oriented I am, both as a parent and as a person.