My son was thrilled to receive some Lego Star Wars gift sets for Christmas this year. He went to work straight away assembling the warships and sat contentedly in his own Lego work world for hours, quietly building, most of Christmas day and then the next.
Unfortunately, while my husband was pulling some cold weather gear down from the coat closet in the hallway the day after Christmas, our vacuum cleaner fell over, crushing much of Rene’s hard work in the process. The Legos, of course, fell apart, scattering small plastic pieces across the living room floor (and beyond, I might add). For a moment you could have heard a pin drop, and then the aftermath.
Suffice it to say that Rene was crushed, not because the Legos fell apart, but because he would not be able to figure out how to put the hundreds of pieces back together again the same way. The predominant emotion was anger, but there was also a lot of frustration and grief mixed in. We allowed him to vent in his bedroom, where all of the Legos now reside.
After a few hours of tinkering, Rene was able to calmly return downstairs to show us his new starship, a modified version of the former (much larger) starship.
Rene: “This is my super speedstar battleship. How do you like it?”
Me: “Looks fast.”
Rene: “It is fast. I couldn’t make the other one the way it was, so I decided to make it into this instead.”
I commended him on his ability to move beyond his anger and to make do with what he had in front of him, a horribly messy pile of tiny little Legos. Isn’t that what life is about, anyway? Often times our first reaction with kids, I think, is to fix the problem at hand, right the wrong. The truth is, we help kids (and ourselves) a lot more when we allow them the time to work out these kinds of problems on their own. What often keeps us from doing just that is our own discomfort from hearing their cries, or screams, or anger (in the case of my son). Sometimes I think we like having others dependent upon us; it validates our role in their lives. For myself, the steps I take away from my kids are baby steps, and I try to maintain awareness of their need for independence, and my own. Those baby steps away from my kids become baby steps toward helping my own parents, who resist any thoughts of needing help as they age. It’s all an act requiring balance and patience, both of which I strive to maintain into the new year.
Do what you can, with what you have, where you are. ~Theodore Roosevelt
One nickname I’ve given my husband is ‘safety man’. He has seen many accident victims in the emergency room over the years, from every variety of slips, trips, falls, crashes, slashes and burns, to name a few. He is vigilant about safety in our own home, especially with our son Rene, who is extremely active and therefore, accident-prone. In his nine years he has suffered several broken bones and a concussion. Lately Rene has been testing his luck on the stairs, and several times he has somersaulted to the very bottom, unscathed (so far).
Last night it was my 79 year-old mother who took a tumble down the stairs, and after a trip to the emergency room she was diagnosed with a concussion. We were all relieved it was nothing worse, especially considering her hip replacement last year, and the fact that she fell backward down the staircase, slamming the back of her head against the stair before hitting her tailbone and sliding the rest of the way down. She lives in fear of falling with the artificial hip joint. I can only attribute her good outcome to the fact that she is very strong and fit; her years of weight lifting have kept her bones healthy and able to withstand the jolt of her fall. We had just hiked a moderately steep trail with her yesterday afternoon for nearly 2 hours; she is in awesome shape, so much so that it’s easy to forget that she is almost 80.
Parenting my active son, challenging as it is, has been great preparation for dealing with the dangers my aging parents are beginning to face – like falling down a flight of stairs. As much as I’d like to prevent and control their environments, the truth is I can’t. And as much as I tend to worry, it won’t change any outcome. My mom’s trip to the ER will help me remember to help her more, hold her more, and enjoy her presence here with us during the holidays. That is a gift that money cannot buy, and it’s just in time for Christmas.
When written in Chinese the word "crisis" is composed of two characters - one represents danger and the other represents opportunity. ~John F. Kennedy, address, 12 April 1959
December is indeed a wonderful time of year, but by the time Christmas rolls around I am tired of the gift giving stress, honestly. My family has six December birthdays, on top of the holiday. Getting gifts long ago became such an overwhelming chore that my large family decided to draw names, and we put a monetary limit on the amount we could spend on our recipient. That soon went by the wayside, however, because it was clear that some of us were more enthusiastic about it than others.
Now neither my family nor my husband’s family exchange gifts at Christmastime; what a relief! The only gifts exchanged are for the children and between immediate family members, and this has made our lives (at least mine) and the holiday much more enjoyable. Instead of last minute gift grabbing we can go for a hike, for example, which we will be doing later today. My daughter is already griping, but I’ll try to focus on the joy of being out in the foothills with my family.
We still have errands to run, though. Earlier this week we went to Target, where I snapped this photo of my daughter browsing in the toy department. Seeing the toys stacked floor to ceiling and encroaching the clothing department space was a great conversation starter. I talk with my kids about the phenomenon of ‘black Friday’ and ‘cyber Monday’, and my husband actually began jokingly renaming the holiday for those two consumer-driven days after Thanksgiving.
Last night when my son began telling me his wish list for the tenth time last night I asked him if he had thought of what he might do for others over our holiday break. Silence ensued. “We always serve meals at the Salvation Army, maybe we can do that.” He then went back to his list, and I listened, smiling all the while. We will be serving a meal or two during the break, and the kids will enjoy their gifts under the tree. Happiness can be elusive at times, but learning how to enjoy my kids’ excitement over gifts under the tree and practicing gratitude by serving others helps me a great deal.
You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give. ~Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet
I grew up playing Monopoly; our games lasted for days sometimes. We would set up on Friday after school and finish on Sunday afternoon, usually, leaving our board intact while we ate, slept and went to our two hour long swim practices.
We also had a giant checkerboard set that my sister and I loved to play with. Those were about the only two board games that I remember playing much as a child.
As a school counselor and a parent, I love using board games with kids. They provide a great way to get to know a child better, and playing board games teaches valuable life skills, such as patience, sharing, persistence and communication. And as I tell my own kids, it’s good to learn how to lose (or how not to be a sore loser), since that often happens more than winning. It is sportsmanship off the court. Playing games also leads naturally to discussions about emotions, since it can be very emotionally charged (especially playing with a very competitive child, like my son).
If you are in the market for a great holiday gift game this season, think about giving the game Great States. My kids and I have been playing it this year and we all love it; it is a fun way to test your knowledge of state landmarks, locations and capitals. It also uses cardinal directions, a skill that many kids are learning in elementary school. Here’s a sample question from the ‘fun’ category: If you were driving due west from the middle of Georgia, name the first 2 states you would drive through. Can you name them? Good thing the playing board is a large, colorful map of the United States!
Geography and social studies in general are hardly broached in elementary classrooms, and playing this game at home is a great supplement and a lot of fun. It’s best for ages 7 and up, and good for 2-6 players. The selection of board games today is astounding; visit the toy aisle of any Target prepare to be overwhelmed. I’m pretty sure you can find it there. I’m hoping they’ll soon come out with a ‘Great World’ game, so that I can brush up on my world geography, too!
‘We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.’ – George Bernard Shaw
Besides the ever larger pores on my face (maybe I could use them to store my loose change someday?), and the fact that my armpits seem to be turning into sinkholes (how can I possibly shave them like that?!), and the stray wrinkles and hairs that appear seemingly overnight (maybe it just seems that way because I avoid mirrors?), aging well into my 40s so far has been pretty agreeable. The other day, however, I was thrown for a total loop.
I was in the grocery store making a quick stop, where I first made my way all the way through the store to the bathroom in back (of course, it’s a habit since childbirth). While walking down the cereal aisle I suddenly realized that I couldn’t really see very well, so I stopped walking and tried to look at a man walking toward me. Only part of his face was visible, no matter how I turned my head to try and get around the blind spots in my vision. It felt just like looking through a kaleidoscope -very strange indeed! I stood there for a good ten to fifteen minutes, it seemed, trying to read boxes and look at people, afraid to really go very far. I certainly couldn’t drive in that condition.
After what seemed like a long time my vision was magically restored – what a relief. I went about my day and later told my husband about it, who insisted I get to an ophthalmologist to have my eyes checked. My check-up was unremarkable, and the diagnosis was not uncommon in ‘women your age’, I was told, because it’s related to my hormonal fluctuations – an ocular migraine without headache. Ocular migraines can be brought on by stress and hormonal fluctuations, and they are caused by constriction of blood vessels connected to the optic nerve, I was told. I was relieved that it was nothing to worry about, and later shared the tale with my two older sisters. “Just you wait until your hormones get really going!’” one sister replied. When I asked what she meant by that (like it wasn’t bad enough to be incapacitated by diminished vision?) she asked if I’d started itching yet. What does that have to do with anything?
Come to think of it, I had been itchy. “That’s just the beginning, sister. Next come the night sweats. Your fun has just begun!” I calmed myself by remembering how dry it is here in Colorado. I’m sure that’s why I’ve been more itchy than usual. And I’m not sweating at night - yet. And I haven’t had another ocular migraine. I can handle this! If you see a confused looking woman in her mid-40s alone in a cereal aisle, just ask her if she needs help finding the bathroom. I bet she’ll thank you and gladly follow.
‘To keep the heart unwrinkled, to be hopeful, kindly, cheerful, reverent – that is to triumph over old age.’ – Thomas Bailey Aldrich
I began to write a blog today about the new documentary ‘Race to Nowhere’, which has been getting a lot of press, but I wanted to share this story instead. It’s a sad story but it needs to be told so that we are all reminded to pay attention to the road and everyone using it, including pedestrians.
One of the things that I love about living in Denver, and in particular about the neighborhood where we are renting a home, is how easy it is to get around by bike and foot. There are many bike lanes, sidewalks and well-marked pedestrian crossings, and many people using alternative forms of transportation. Every time I’m out walking, running, or biking, I see scores of other people doing just the same, and it’s one of the things I like best about living here.
A few days ago, a young woman who was 34 weeks pregnant was RUN OVER while crossing an intersection a few blocks from my house. The truck that hit her never slowed down, despite the fact that there are two stops signs. She was rushed to the hospital (where she works) and lost her baby, and has had three surgeries so far; her survival is not yet assured. Witnesses were unable to obtain license plate information because the truck sped off, leaving tire marks on Laurie’s body in the process.
We can only speculate about how this could happen. The driver might have been impaired, or using a cell phone, or both; the person behind the wheel was obviously distracted. As Oprah likes to say, please make your car a no phone zone. As pedestrians we have responsibilities, too – always make eye contact with the driver and make sure they come to a stop before stepping into the street. Meanwhile, consider donating blood and platelets the next time you see a bloodmobile parked nearby. One day it could be any one of us or our loved ones in need. You can read more about Laurie right HERE.
‘Recklessness is a species of crime and should be so regarded on our streets and highways.’ ~Marlen E. Pew
I once had the privilege of hearing the Reverend Al Sharpton address a group of graduating high school seniors - more than 20 years ago in New York City. I was working as a teacher in an alternative public high school, and many of the students there had been through the ringer, so to speak. The one thing I remember vividly from his speech was this: There is no shame in falling down. The only shame is not getting back up when you do fall down. It has become a mantra of mine, and I thought of this recently during my return to the gym, after my two-week illness and exercise hiatus.
Getting back into the swing of working out, for me, is an uphill battle. After two weeks of doing next to no activity, I needed a boost to get back into the gym. Last week I found out that there is a boot camp class at a local rec center, and it conveniently coincides with my son’s basketball practice. I showed up for a class last week with low expectations.
It’s amazing what an enthusiastic, buff instructor can do to get a tired body in gear, along with the energy of a group of other not-so-tired bodies. I enjoyed the class so much that I’ve since dragged my husband with me to class. During our 10 minute walking warm-up he was skeptical, raising his eyebrows at me during exchanged glances across the room. ‘Just you wait,’ I mouthed to him. Sure enough, after 30 minutes of circuit training he was begging for mercy. We’ve both been a bit sore ever since, in all the right places.
Soon I’ll have more video up to share with you body weight exercises that you can do in your living room, meaning exercises that require no weights or equipment. ‘Tis the season to be fit! No need to wait for that resolution; make your fitness a year round commitment. You’re worth it.
‘Physical fitness is not only one of the most important keys to a healthy body, it is the basis of dynamic and creative intellectual activity.’ – John F. Kennedy
Once upon a time, I worked as a research assistant for an epidemiologist. It was fascinating stuff, mostly because this researcher was looking at health effects of radiation in nuclear workers. During my time with him, I got to do really interesting things, like pulling and reading through death records of workers from places like Los Alamos National Laboratory, in New Mexico. His findings were very controversial, since there is a strong correlation between exposure to radiation and the incidence of cancer. He has been harassed for years by people who care very much about concealing the dangers associated with radiation exposure, as you can imagine.
My experience working in epidemiology has made me very wary of my family’s exposure to radiation, especially in the form of x-rays. Case in point: I have never allowed my children’s dentists to take x-rays of their mouths, and I always ask when I’m making the initial appointment if this is a deal breaker. You’d be surprised at the number of dentists who refuse to see patients without x-rays first, before even examining the patient. I’ve actually walked out of dental offices without being seen because of it, and never looked back. My ‘no dental x-rays’ stance has often been met with eyeball rolling or funny looks, but it only strengthens my resolve. And I’ve always found dentists who are happy to clean and examine my kids’ teeth without the x-rays. I myself will only consent to x-rays if I am in pain or there is suspicion of something terribly wrong, like a cracked tooth. The reality is that I am so anal retentive about cleaning my teeth that I haven’t had needed to have any work done in years, beyond cleanings every six months.
A few weeks ago there was a great article in the New York Times validating my concerns about the dangers of dental x-rays, which you can read for yourself right HERE. The truth is, we know that radiation exposure is dangerous, and the dental industry is not well regulated. My thought is, better safe than sorry. Children are 5-7 times more susceptible to the effects of radiation than adults (according to the article), and we should be very choosy about whether we really need to expose them to something that is potentially very harmful to their health. I forwarded the article to my former boss, the epidemiologist, and here’s what he had to say:“Don’t let dentists use x-rays on anyone, unless major reconstruction is necessary, such as implants.”
Think about it next time you or your kids have a dental appointment. Ask your dentist to justify the use of x-rays, or mention the article and see the response you get. What do you have to lose?
‘The important thing is not to stop questioning.’ – Albert Einstein
Yesterday I wrote about Paying It Forward day, spawned from a Facebook movement, and I spent the day today trying to find signs of its actual implementation.
There was nothing notable about any of my interactions with people today, really. I did have an interesting experience at an intersection where I was stopped at a red light, though.
I go through this busy intersection in Denver four times every weekday, taking my daughter to and from school. There are usually at least two if not three people working the corner, holding signs and asking for help. Instead of handing out money (that could make for an expensive weekly commute) I keep individually packaged granola type bars in my console to hand out. So far this gesture has been met with gratitude, until today.
Today there was a younger guy on the corner, and when I rolled down my window he quickly approached my car. When I pulled out the food to offer him, he began laughing unkindly, in a scoffing sort of way, so I asked if he wanted it. “I guess so.” He took it and put it into his pocket, and then walked away, obviously disappointed.
Since then I’ve struggled with my own reaction to this situation. I’ve questioned my intentions with giving food. Am I doing it to help myself feel better? Does the gratitude of a recipient fulfill a need of mine? Initially I was very put off by his laughter and disappointment. My expectation of gratitude was not met, and the act of giving was not so gratifying for me. Was I actually feeling sorry for myself? Seriously?
I will continue to hand out food when I can, and learn from the experiences I encounter. This was not what I expected from ‘paying it forward’ today. Isn’t giving supposed to feel great? Not always, apparently, and that expectation was my downfall.
On a lighter note, I wanted to share this YouTube video with you, which has been seen over 5 million times over the past two weeks. It’s about five minutes long and worth the time, and is a great example of a lovely random act of spreading happiness and wonder. Enjoy!
‘‘We would often be ashamed of our finest actions if the world understood all the motives which produced them.’
– Francois de la Rochefoucauld
So someone on Facebook had the idea that December 1 should be known as PAY IT FORWARD day. There are almost half a million people supporting this on the internet, saying they will participate, and I’m intrigued by the idea, so I’m spreading the word. Here’s the idea (taken straight from the pages of Facebook, by the way) behind paying it forward….
What can you do?
• Pay for someone’s cup of coffee…
• Buy someone some groceries…
• Get the next person’s gas…
• Help someone out…
• Donate something…
• Be creative!!!
When you do something for someone there’s a good chance they’ll do something for someone else. If not, at least you’ve done a good deed for someone.
So on December 1st share some kindness and spread some joy! It can be as little as a few dollars or as much as you want. No one needs to know!
Join me, won’t you?
(I'm trying to make this a national event so spread the word. Maybe one day it'll be a nationally recognized day!)
Seems simple enough. I’m interested to see if it makes a difference in the day, aren’t you? Maybe we’ll all take it upon ourselves to be just a little bit kinder, more considerate. I hope your day is great, in any case. More on this tomorrow!
The best portion of a good man's life - his little, nameless, unremembered acts of kindness and love. ~William Wordsworth
My son was thrilled to receive some Lego Star Wars gift sets for Christmas this year. He went to work straight away assembling the warships and sat contentedly in his own Lego work world for hours, quietly building, most of Christmas day and then the next. 
Unfortunately, while my husband was pulling some cold weather gear down from the coat closet in the hallway the day after Christmas, our vacuum cleaner fell over, crushing much of Rene’s hard work in the process. The Legos, of course, fell apart, scattering small plastic pieces across the living room floor (and beyond, I might add). For a moment you could have heard a pin drop, and then the aftermath. 
the same way. The predominant emotion was anger, but there was also a lot of frustration and grief mixed in. We allowed him to vent in his bedroom, where all of the Legos now reside. 
allow them the time to work out these kinds of problems on their own. What often keeps us from doing just that is our own discomfort from hearing their cries, or screams, or anger (in the case of my son). Sometimes I think we like having others dependent upon us; it validates our role in their lives. For myself, the steps I take away from my kids are baby steps, and I try to maintain awareness of their need for independence, and my own. Those baby steps away from my kids become baby steps toward helping my own parents, who resist any thoughts of needing help as they age. It’s all an act requiring balance and patience, both of which I strive to maintain into the new year. 
One nickname I’ve given my husband is ‘safety man’. He has seen many accident victims in the emergency room over the years, from every variety of slips, trips, falls, crashes, slashes and burns, to name a few. He is vigilant about safety in our own home, especially with our son Rene, who is extremely active and therefore, accident-prone. In his nine years he has suffered several broken bones and a concussion. Lately Rene has been testing his luck on the stairs, and several times he has somersaulted to the very bottom, unscathed (so far). 
I can only attribute her good outcome to the fact that she is very strong and fit; her years of weight lifting have kept her bones healthy and able to withstand the jolt of her fall. We had just hiked a moderately steep trail with her yesterday afternoon for nearly 2 hours; she is in awesome shape, so much so that it’s easy to forget that she is almost 80. 
December is indeed a wonderful time of year, but by the time Christmas rolls around I am tired of the gift giving stress, honestly. My family has six December birthdays, on top of the holiday. Getting gifts long ago became such an overwhelming chore that my large family decided to draw names, and we put a monetary limit on the amount we could spend on our recipient. That soon went by the wayside, however, because it was clear that some of us were more enthusiastic about it than others. 
I grew up playing Monopoly; our games lasted for days sometimes. We would set up on Friday after school and finish on Sunday afternoon, usually, leaving our board intact while we ate, slept and went to our two hour long swim practices. 
s a school counselor and a parent, I love using board games with kids. They provide a great way to get to know a child better, and playing board games teaches valuable life skills, such as patience, sharing, persistence and communication. And as I tell my own kids, it’s good to learn how to lose (or how not to be a sore loser), since that often happens more than winning. It is sportsmanship off the court. Playing games also leads naturally to discussions about emotions, since it can be very emotionally charged (especially playing with a very competitive child, like my son). 
eography and social studies in general are hardly broached in elementary classrooms, and playing this game at home is a great supplement and a lot of fun. It’s best for ages 7 and up, and good for 2-6 players. The selection of board games today is astounding; visit the toy aisle of any Target prepare to be overwhelmed. I’m pretty sure you can find it there. I’m hoping they’ll soon come out with a ‘Great World’ game, so that I can brush up on my world geography, too! 
Besides the ever larger pores on my face (maybe I could use them to store my loose change someday?), and the fact that my armpits seem to be turning into sinkholes (how can I possibly shave them like that?!), and the stray wrinkles and hairs that appear seemingly overnight (maybe it just seems that way because I avoid mirrors?), aging well into my 40s so far has been pretty agreeable. The other day, however, I was thrown for a total loop. 
After what seemed like a long time my vision was magically restored – what a relief. I went about my day and later told my husband about it, who insisted I get to an ophthalmologist to have my eyes checked. My check-up was unremarkable, and the diagnosis was not uncommon in ‘women your age’, I was told, because it’s related to my hormonal fluctuations – an ocular migraine without headache. 
I began to write a blog today about the new documentary ‘Race to Nowhere’, which has been getting a lot of press, but I wanted to share this story instead. It’s a sad story but it needs to be told so that we are all reminded to pay attention to the road and everyone using it, including pedestrians. 
I once had the privilege of hearing the Reverend Al Sharpton address a group of graduating high school seniors - more than 20 years ago in New York City. I was working as a teacher in an alternative public high school, and many of the students there had been through the ringer, so to speak. The one thing I remember vividly from his speech was this: There is no shame in falling down. The only shame is not getting back up when you do fall down. It has become a mantra of mine, and I thought of this recently during my return to the gym, after my two-week illness and exercise hiatus. 
Once upon a time, I worked as a research assistant for an epidemiologist. It was fascinating stuff, mostly because this researcher was looking at health effects of radiation in nuclear workers. During my time with him, I got to do really interesting things, like pulling and reading through death records of workers from places like Los Alamos National Laboratory, in New Mexico. His findings were very controversial, since there is a strong correlation between exposure to radiation and the incidence of cancer. He has been harassed for years by people who care very much about concealing the dangers associated with radiation exposure, as you can imagine. 
A few weeks ago there was a great article in the New York Times validating my concerns about the dangers of dental x-rays, which you can read for yourself right 
Yesterday I wrote about Paying It Forward day, spawned from a Facebook movement, and I spent the day today trying to find signs of its actual implementation. 
So someone on Facebook had the idea that December 1 should be known as PAY IT FORWARD day. There are almost half a million people supporting this on the internet, saying they will participate, and I’m intrigued by the idea, so I’m spreading the word. Here’s the idea (taken straight from the pages of Facebook, by the way) behind paying it forward….